I try so hard not to spoil it

Posts Tagged ‘New Year’

Storage

In Uncategorized on February 13, 2009 at 3:41 am

An exercise from Old Friend From Far Away by Natalie Goldberg.

Tell me about a storage unit or someplace you stored things.

One thing I’ll always miss about home is the Christmas tree. More than the holiday itself, it was that living room conifer growing heavy with laughter and light in its stand that made the holidays my favorite time of year.

Granted, I was taken in by the rest, as well: the gradual build-up of gifts and cards and white packed snow and Christmas spirit; the shopping and spending and wrapping and bows; the holiday dinner with turkey and ham and wine and bread and too many people; the party on New Year’s Eve with the snap of pool cues, late-night cards, hide-and-seek in the dark, errant fireworks on the cold white lawn. The words everyone felt but nobody said.

But there was something about the tree that made it worthwhile, something in those heavy green branches, the spicy scent of pine or spruce, the lights, the glitz, the ornaments.

The attic. Crawling precariously over a skeleton of boards and pink fiberglass insulation, rustling through boxes, searching for the ones without pumpkins and witches and bats, Easter eggs, white rabbits, birthday greetings. And when we found the wreaths and garlands, half carrying, half dropping the awkward cardboard receptacles down the stairs. We worked in teams–my mother and brother and I, box from person to person to person, out of the attic, down the stairs. In the end we’d sit on the living room floor, the old warped and water-stained box of decorations on the fireplace hearth, pulling old ornaments from their compartments. From stone to cardboard to synthetics to skin.

Decorating was my favorite part, and there was lots to work with–the lights with their six different flash settings for entertainment, the furry gold snakes of garlands, the shiny rainbow of painted tin balls, the silver points. There were those whose origins I barely remembered: crocheted snowflakes, lace-covered candy canes, tiny wooden-framed cross-stitchings. There were candy wreaths, macaroni wreaths, baked gingerbread snowmen. There were balls swirled with paint and ribbon I’d made with a friend, little felt bears slightly stuffed and stitched with smiles and clothes and bells that moved, a clothespin nutcracker, a wooden sleigh. A white sand dollar hand-painted with glitter and tiny poinsettias, requiring the strongest branch on the tree, and my favorite–two baby seals on a patch of ice–that got center stage. The star glowed many different colors and sat on top, the presents seemed to radiate, everything was bright–even when the rest of life wasn’t.

When Christmas was over, we’d pile the gifts in our rooms and sweep up the needles and put each ornament back in its own little room in a warped cardboard house, our memories packed in the attic with scraps of glass and plastic and fabric in a fiberglass castle, a cold and quiet dark.

Getting Lost: Two Scenes

In Uncategorized on January 18, 2009 at 9:58 pm

(Fragments of a larger, but short, piece.)

December 31

The clock signals midnight. The New Year. Car doors fly open and the five of us dart out, shout, weave running circles around a large empty parking lot. Night nips our heels and a sharp cold follows not far behind, and not a soul hears our celebrating. We are leaving the past behind, and we are nowhere.

December 26

The ice cream store in Intervale, New Hampshire has just closed, six minutes shy of our arrival. Matt and his sixteen-year-old sister Toni are in the front seat of the car, and we are driving home to the family after a brief escape to J.C. Penny’s. I feel the turn to the cabin coming.
“Keep going.”
“What?” Matt turns the radio off for a moment and I wince.
“Just keep driving.”
We listen loud to the radio while the road spreads in front of our headlights. Stray landmarks and signposts pop up in the darkness as it comes, and the darkness keeps coming.
Do you ever want to go home and you don’t know where it is?
I don’t say it.

We turn on a dark road and pass a railroad crossing. Matt turns the car around, stops on the tracks, and parks.
We say nothing. We know this is a voluntary roam; we know how to get back but we don’t know where we are.
Matt opens his door.
“I just wanted to look up,” he says, leaning out the door to find the stars. “And it’s cloudy.” He shuts the door, pauses. I lean back.
“I bet if you look really closely you can still see them,” I say.
We pause again. Matt opens his door, gets out. Toni follows in silence and I come next.
“You can’t even see the moon,” Toni says.
We look up. I lean back against the car as we listen to a kind of nothing. Pause. The sound of running water–a river.
We zig-zag in the dark in front of the car, crunching gravel.
“Our car looks like a friendly alien,” Matt says. We turn around. The car’s orange dome light radiates from the open doors, and for a moment it’s like we are on another planet, this orange creature sleeping in the dark. Matt presses a button on the key fob, blinks the headlights–once, twice, three times. We giggle, get back in the car.
On the way home, Toni and I ask to stay out a bit longer.
“I’m afraid of getting lost,” Matt says.
Toni turns and looks him in the eye.
“How can you get lost when you’re going straight?”

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